I'm a Dirty Dirty Girl

Ok, so what do you do when your blog is too filthy to blog about?

One of the joys of a healthy, happy marriage (at least for us) is the sex. Oh yeah, the sex. But is it right to blog it?

Oh, I don't know! But the past four days, starting with Thanksgiving, which was also our Anniversary, have been simply marvellous, in a truly depraved and messy way.

I'm blessed with a sex drive that most men dream their wives will have, plus I have a husband with boundless enthusiasm and creativity. Consequently, when we get the house empty, things get rolling~so all we had to do was get rid of one relentlessly couch-bound teenager, and the stage was set, so to speak.

"So, any plans for the weekend?"

"Ya, probably go out."

"When?"

"Dunno, Friday or Saturday."

This is when I feel the need to pummel him with something in order to relieve my frustration. Mostly, I feel like yelling, "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU! CAN'T YOU TELL I WANT YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE FOR A FEW HOURS?" But if I do that, he'll ask why, and I have to tell him, then he'll be scarred and need therapy and we'll have to put someone on retainer.

So I play it cool.

"You should really get out more." You see, his girlfriend goes to college out of town, so his social life has been curtailed.

"Ya, I'll go out sometime."

"It's important to have time out with groups of friends...makes you more well-rounded."

"Un huh."

Now of course by this time, my husband is asking, "What are his plans? Is he going out? When is he going out? Can we just dart him? Drug the boy!"

Well, eventually, he goes out, we lock the door and take off up the stairs like two teenagers whose parents have gone out for the night. The dogs are locked up and we're holed up in our room and LET THE GAMES BEGIN.

Quick showers, some lights off, fancy lacy things on, lots of giggling, windows getting steamy; then we both freeze: what's that sound?

Dog.

The sick one. Whining. He's come home from the hospital today~~has been pretty much baked the entire day and NOW he decides to wake up and ask to go out for a pee. It's at this point you reconsider whether or not you should have had him put down. Ok, husband whips pants on, runs down, lets dog out, comes back up, door locked, pants off, grinning. Try again.

And we made pigs out of ourselves. You know how every once in a while you just manage to do everything you ever thought of, and you know that if someone was watching through a window, they'd be flashing ratings at you (high ones, I might add)? I mean one of those times when nothing is off limits and you have to stop in the middle to re-hydrate? Man, we'd have made a porn star proud. Inside out, upside down, backwards, forwards, and ever-so-noisily, giggling, grunting, panting.....Oooo, it was grand.

Couple hours later, we go back downstairs for cake. Yup, cake. Why not? My mother in law, who is a wonderful woman and shouldn't really be mentioned in a post that's filthy like this, made us a gorgeous cake for our anniversary. So at "half-time", we went down and ate cake, drank water and juice, and let the dogs out again. Of course we sat and discussed just how fabulous we think the other is.....and that's when the hammer fell....I should have known I couldn't get one entire evening of JUST GOOD STUFF.

My son phones; he's come out of the theatre to find his car surrounded by a couple of plaza security officers and witnesses, who've seen two young men (and I use the term loosely) smash his passenger-side window, grab his sound system and rip it out, and take off. Blah. When he talks to us, he's already talked to the police and filed a report. So now we have to decide whether or not to claim it through insurance, or just suck it up and pay for it. Depends on how much our insurance will go up.

In my mind, and my husband's, random acts of violence like this just suck hugely. So we did the only thing we could do. We went upstairs, put in a dirty movie, and did it all again!

Does this make us bad people?