Not A Jury In The Land Would Convict Me!

My mother lied.

I always believed that if you did what you thought was right, deep down inside, then somehow, something GOOD would come from it.

Holy FUCK, was I wrong.

It's amazing how things can turn out so horribly disastrous when you make what appears to be a simple decision based on the ethics you're raised with. And it's just as amazing how you can look back and see all the things you never considered, and should have, when you made the damned decision. In this case, it was moving "the girl" into the house. Now, we can't get rid of her.

Foolishly, I thought I was saving a young, helpless child from being sent to the streets; I imagined that it would be for a few weeks while she got her life together and found a job and a place to stay. I even imagined, that since *I* am the type of person who wouldn't continually take from others, that others wouldn't continually take from me. Can you SEE me coming a mile away? She could. Ohhh, she could.

The girl is still here. She's happily ensconsed in our home. Her room is a disaster, although from the beginning I made it clear that I expected it to be relatively tidy. The kitchen is a perpetual mess, which I find wretchedly difficult to deal with. If there's one thing I hate it's a dirty sink! But worst of all, she's walked all over the boundaries I've set where my son is concerned ... to the point where any other sane person would have kicked her ass to the curb long ago, but because I'm a marshmallow, I've allowed her to walk all over me and my family.

The rules are irrelevant. No matter that it's a household where morals and values were always the norm; now, a pint-sized redhead has simply walked in and said, "oh well!" and what she wants, goes. She's in and out of my son's room at will. Every time I turn my back she's slipping in there, early in the morning and late at night. I watch for it ... oh, I watch for it. And each time I catch her, I get the same answer: "we're not doing anything!!" I don't care. I DON'T CARE! It's inappropriate to be hanging all over him in his bedroom, on his bed, IN MY FUCKING HOUSE. It's just as inappropriate to be laying on him, with her head in his lap, six feet away from me in my family room while we watch tv, in MY FUCKING HOUSE. But she doesn't seem to care, even when told, time and time again. So I tell my son. I take him aside, and I tell him. And he says, "ok". I see him trying to tell her. I see him gently trying to extricate himself from her, and then her STOMPING off like a child to her room and having a damned tantrum, and him following, trying to placate her because he's hurt her feelings. Ludicrous. Ludicrous. Ludicrous. How did I get here?

She ignores my rules. I have two dogs that need manners. I teach them not to bark, not to paw, not to jump on people. I am firm. She, on the other hand, loves to have them jump up on her and will encourage the behaviour, all the while saying in her baby voice, "you KNOW you're not supposed to be jumping up, you bad dogs...." while petting them.... They lap it up, all the while standing on their hind legs, and trying to figure out why I'm hollering at them to get down. This isn't a once in a while thing. This is DAILY. Of course there's the odd time she gets dressed up and then complains bitterly that she cannot figure out why they jump on her! And when they're happily resting after hours of play, she cannot leave them be. She must go wake them and get them wound up. Not once in a while; two or three times A DAY. It never ends. She doesn't feed them, or put them out when they need to be out (only brings them in when they're mucky), or walk them. Just causes problems with them.

But the worst of it is still the lack of boundaries. Her rudeness to me. Her insistance that even though she recognizes that "I" have some issues in my life, hers are much, much worse (her words, not mine). And even when I offer the most gentle of advice, she will argue; I know nothing. She has pushed my son away from me with the worst possible brainwashing I've ever witnessed. It's constant, never-ending rubbish. How does she do it? By repeating over and over and over, "I love you, I love you, I love you". Sounds nice, doesn't it? Well, you might think so, except that it IS, literally, fifty or sixty times a day, and follows insults, brainwashing, and the never-ending sagas she blabs on about that make the rest of us hide in our rooms with our fingers in our ears.

This is truly the most self-centered, egocentric girl I've ever had the misfortune to meet. She's ruined the calm, loving nature of our home. She's even driven a wedge between my husband and I as he pushes to throw her out and I continue to keep her there because I know that she simply has no where to go. Her "job" is two days a week, and she has to continue saving to pay off her student debt before she can do anything else. We have insisted she get a second job, so she applied for ONE. Didn't get it. The rest of the time she does NOTHING. Something's got to change.

We have managed to override one of her latest brainwaves; she had persuaded my son that it was perfectly normal for EVERY child to go away to college and pay $80,000 in student loans. In her words, EVERYONE does that! It's just what you DO. That's how it IS. Well, where I'm from, that's not what you do unless you HAVE to. Well, guess what? The child was accepted to several colleges and one of them is a top-40 university within commuting distance from the house, with a very good department in his major. Does it make sense to spend $80,000 rather than $30,000? Does it? All we have to do is get him away from her in order to talk sense into him, but getting him alone is nearly impossible. She doesn't let him out of her sight.

This week, he's away. We thought it would be a nice treat for him to have the leash loosened a bit, and he was excited about it. However, we discovered last night that he's expected to check in with her twice a day. But he swears up and down he loves her. ARGGHHHH!!!!! We know he finds it restricting. This is the first girl he's ever dated. He needs to get rid of her!

Have you ever tried to ask someone a question, and before you got the question out, they interrupted with the answer?

Have you ever asked someone a question, and while you're asking, someone else keeps interrupting and answering for them?

Have you ever answered someone's question, and their response is, "I WAS JUST ASKING" as if you'd done something wrong by responding?

I live this. Daily. Mostly I live in my bedroom. For four months, I've lived in my bedroom, and in the coffee shop at the bottom of the hill, and the bookstore, in order to avoid her. I keep taking my pills, for the most part, and my husband deals with the aftermath.

Oh, did I mention that on the days she DOES work, I'm the one who's driving her to and from work? Yes, there's a knock on the bedroom door, "Bo, can you take me to work?"

I recognize that all of this hinges on the fact that I have allowed it to happen. I did what I thought was a "good deed" in taking this person in, and now I don't know how to fix it. Kicking her out doesn't seem feasible because there's nowhere for her to go, and she doesn't have the money. Today when I found out she's got to pay off her student loan before she can get her transcripts for school was just the final kicker, because it means she's back to square one and there's absolutely NO light at the end of the tunnel for me. She has nothing saved for an apartment. And if I DO say, "out ya go, it's not my problem", I risk causing permanent damage to my relationship with my son. I'm between a rock and a hard place and I wandered in here all by myself.

This will not be a good week.