A Child Goes To War

On Monday, a kid I know left for boot camp. In my eyes, he's just a baby. There doesn't seem any way in hell he's capable of knowing what it is he's getting himself into. But when he told me he was joining the Marines, I didn't tell him any of this. I did ask him why; he said he needed to, so he could get the government to pay for his education.

This kid is too young to share a beer with his dad before he leaves with his troop. He's too young to vote, and he hasn't got a drivers' license. Even cigarettes are illegal for him. Yes, indeed, he's 17 years old.

Up til now, this "child" entrusted his well-being to me whenever we were together. Those were the rules; I was his coach, and I was in charge. When there were questions, he came to me and I answered to the best of my ability. Is it wrong to have favourites? He's right up there with "Dude".Suddenly, we're going to entrust our national safety and security to him? This ... boy?

There's a part of me, cerebrally, that recognizes that he's on his way to becoming a man. There are other people in charge of his life for the next while who will help him on his way. They started helping him weeks ago, locally. I recognized the changes, and I didn't like it. I don't even know why. It started with his gradual slimming down; then it became a squaring of his shoulders each time he spoke to me. Then, the relentless, "yes ma'am". STOP IT! STOP IT! For this hour, right now, you're still a kid, you're still playing, you can let go and let the pressures of what you're going to do slide off your very young shoulders, and have FUN with your peers, doing something you love.

Do they know what they're getting into, these children signing the next years of their lives to their country? Are they truly cognizant of the deep-seated danger of where they're going? Have they thought it out? Did they decide to do it despite the danger, or because of it? Is it need? Or is it a true desire to serve their country?

Sometimes I wonder if the youngest ones have some sort of romantic notion of war; maybe they've seen too many movies where it's all action, all the time. Then one day, you're out in the trenches in a gun-battle when your friend fighting next to you is shattered by shrapnel; you crawl through the dirt and use one arm to cradle his head, and the other to apply pressure to the wound oozing from his belly. His eyes meet yours and you promise, promise, promise, you won't leave. You hear nothing around you but your heart beating, and his...

Suddently reinforcements arrive and medics take over, pushing you aside and administering aid. You follow them to the 'copter, head ducked low, and they take pity on you, letting you in with them. A life is saved, and later, much later, you're both awarded Purple Hearts...

But from what I hear and read and watch, it's not so much like that. This war we're in now~it's more like long periods of boredom and then wickedly unpredictable attacks out of nowhere, and sudden combat for hours and hours. Soldiers are more likely to be killed while driving, or walking to their mess hall, than in actual combat.

The men they're fighting against seem to have a different agenda. While those coming from "our side" are, for the most part, doing their job according to a strict set of guidelines laid out by the United Nations for war (how fucking odd is that?), the other side doesn't seem to be so bothered about following the rules. The key difference? In my head, I don't think that the American Soldiers want all Iraqis dead. However, I DO think that the Sunnis want ALL Americans in Iraq dead~not only dead, but in the most painful, horrifying ways possible. Mass death, great. Dragged to death, great. Hung in effigy, great. Beheaded, great. Burned to death, great. A lesson to the world on the internet, great.

This post is not a forum for whether or not I agree with the war in Iraq. I believe that would be a disservice to the young man who has decided to make the Marines his career.

I'm so scared. For weeks before he left, my husband and I discussed it, each time wishing that there was some other way he could fund his education, as that was the reason he gave for signing up. But in retrospect, I also know that the country needs young men and women to defend it's borders and it's citizens. I don't have the luxury of deciding who's going to do it.

In the past few months, too damned many young men and women have been returned to their families and their country in a box. To me, it seems like they're all coming from HERE. Then when I think about it, I realize that when 2500 brave warriors have died, it IS going to seem like they've all come from one place. What does stand out is their age: 20, 21.

I believe in God and I don't have answers about why bad things happen. So instead I just pray for his family and his safe return; I pray that something will change either here or abroad so that he doesn't have to leave the country. Seriously, what are my options?

Oddly enough, even with his safe return, I don't relish the changes I'll see. There's no way he's going to be a kid anymore, or even a young man. If he does see time in Iraq, he'll be a man, old before his time, having seen things that no one should ever have to see. We'll more than likely have lost touch with him, since a coach doesn't usually stay in touch with her players once they've moved on.

What I DON'T want, is to stay in touch through another front-page headline.

At the risk of outting myself, but needing to give him the honour he deserves:

William Zanabria ~ come home safe.