Sniffle

Being sick sucks.

I was outside planting pretty thingies yesterday, along with transplanting succulents into bigger pots (holy shit do those things grow fast), and it was 90 freakin' degrees. As always, I went out during the heat of the day. Why do I do this? I don't know.

Part of it is because I have a terrible time getting motivated in the morning. The only thing that's guaranteed to get me moving is a trip to the Coffee Roasters cafe. Other than that, it takes an act of God to get me out of bed most days. Add the time it takes to get cleaned up and dressed, check email, read everyone's blog, let the dogs out, etc, and it's noon.

The other part of it is because ... well, it's work. While I enjoy working in the yard, it's still WORK.

Anyway, I worked for three hours during the heat of the day, and while I made an effort to get out of the sun and into the shade on a regular basis, going back and forth, I was feeling nauseous in short order. I'm very fair-skinned, so obviously this isn't a good idea. I could feel my arms burning again, having burned them twice already this year during sporting tournaments. Little blistering bumps were rising on them as they reddened. Now I noticed this, and you'd think it would be enough to get me into either the house or some sunblock, wouldn't you? But me being me, I just kept on going. I'm like that. Once I start something, I tend to just go til it's finished.

Well, by the time I finally got into the house, I was feeling wretched. The muscles in my legs were like rubber, my back was sore, my head ached, my arms burned and my stomach churned. Hurray for pretty yards! I'll have to figure out how to post pictures and put up some shots of my roses.

When my husband got home, he was very understanding and got dinner on the table. By the time bedtime rolled around, I really wasn't moving too much. Things were seizing up. So I chocked it all up to too much physical work and time in the sun. Unfortunately, when I woke up this morning, I realized that I still feel like twelve miles of bad road.

Like many of my posts, I get to relate this to BPD/Bipolar shit in some form or another (maybe). Many medications make people more susceptible to the sun, even allergic. It happened to my husband three years ago in an absolutely fantastic fashion. Now I haven't yet checked each of my meds out in relation to sun, but I'm going to. I am betting that I'll find one or more of them has this side effect. I've never been this vulnerable to the sun before, even with my fair complexion.

So I'm sitting here, doing nothing.

On an upside, I feel better mentally. Don't know why, and I shouldn't really question it, but I do. What the hell. It's very interesting, in some ways, to feel "normal", and look back at my thought processes over the past month and try to compare them with how they are now. There are still things going wrong, and I still get hurt but for whatever reason, I can handle it in a more normally adult way. What the hell?? When will I understand?

I've gone back to the therapist who's told me he thinks I'm dealing with my "demons" better than most, and while that might sound good, it's really not as helpful as I'd like, but I have to get more "into" the sessions before I get anywhere. I'm still gaining weight and still fighting it, tooth and nail. I hate that with a passion. Blah.

I'll keep working at it.