Partners in Crime

It's been a while, hasn't it folks? Well, Christmas does that. I had company for a while. My eldest son was here, and what a rush! I do adore that boy, although at times it's like looking in a mirror with a testosterone cover. GO BOY! We shopped, we drove, we drove more, we shopped more. That kid spends money like he's got unlimited funds. Of course given that his credit score is substantially better than ours, why the hell shouldn't he?

Things have changed significantly for me. It's either the new medication (Abilify), or my relationship with my husband, or both, but I haven't felt this stable for this long in ... well, ages! It's been two weeks and I feel like a NORMAL FUCKING HUMAN BEING. How cool is that? NORMAL. For those of you who LIVE normal, this is not a big deal. For me, normal is BIG. HUGE. ENORMOUS.

It's big enough that I may ask the psychiatrist to up the dosage on the Abilify when I see her on Thursday. Although it galls me, that's what I have to do. I seem to have adapted to it somewhat, and the headaches are lessening. YAY.

My husband has taken a concrete role in our relationship again, and that helps immensely as well. It's something I've never discussed here, mostly because no one would understand it. But I need, desperately need, my husband to be a strong, bossy, take-charge-type of husband. He can tell me what to do, and I'll do it. You want to call me a subbie? Go ahead. I'm not, but go ahead and label it if you need to. I consider it being a considerate wife, as I make every effort to do the things that make our home a warm, friendly, comfortable environment for him. In return, he takes on many of the stresses of the day, monitoring my behaviour to a certain degree, and setting out boundaries for me. What does it do? it makes me feel secure and loved. Because I have BPD and Bipolar Disorder, I really need that. The more I get it, the more I can give in return.

But in all honesty, that's not an easy thing to ask of another human being. While some find it easy to be that bossy, others say it's tantamount to, "parenting" their wives. I call bullshit. Ya don't make love to your kids (well you sure as shit shouldn't). And your kids don't serve you (as much as you'd like them to). It's a symbiotic relationship, and it's working wonderfully so far.

Here's hoping it will last ~ at least til my next spectacular crash.