DO THIS! Or .... what?

I've been issued a decree from the powers that be to write. 

WRITE! Put Pen to Paper! Describe your thoughts and feelings! You'll feel better! Ohhh, if they only knew what they were asking. A homicidal maniac with a weapon in her paws, just willing to take on the job of annihilating anyone who crosses my path. This isn't really a job, as such. It's more entertainment. 

I suppose some background is necessary.

A few weeks ago, Lil Meggy had what might be described as a Major Meltdown. The kitchen suffered a brief remodel before my husband restrained me, then HE suffered a brief remodel ... anyway, after talking to my therapist and someone at the Rubber Room Regency, it was decided it would be in my best health to take a bit of a "holiday" there. Wow, euphemisms abound! It sounds like a vacation! While described as a "rest", it was anything but.

The check-in process alone is enough to make one rethink one's sanity. After an hour and a half of filling in paperwork and answering questions regarding my thought processes, I was finally led "behind closed doors" where my husband could not follow, and panic broke through my brain like a tsunami after an earthquake. While the staff themselves were generally kind, there was nothing they could do for me if they were going to continue their job, which was strip me of every ounce of dignity I had, and they were looking for that dignity in some really personal places. 

I still don't understand why I couldn't keep an over-the-counter nasal inhaler that I needed to make me sleep, as I do NOT SLEEP without it and the whole point of this exercise was to make me sleep. I also do not understand why a doctor who has seen me ONCE in his life would take me off a blood pressure medication that I have been on for years: BECAUSE I HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE.  But the strangest of all that first night was the panic attack that caused me to begin vomiting early on and just keep on doing it. I'm pretty tough: but when that nurse said, "strip search", everything I'd eaten in three days came surging back through my colon, and it wasn't nearly as good after that long.

I've never been good at being awakened early, and it seemed odd to me to wake me up at 5:30 to take my blood pressure if I'm asleep. I did manage to doze that first night. Unfortunately, it was right when she wanted vitals. Good planning on my part. I found most of the people frightening, with the exception of one sweet woman, and the nurses bound in rules they would NOT change under any circumstance. I'm sure they have their reasons. Consequently, by the time I'd been there a few days, I was worse off than when I'd come in. The Rubber Room Regency is not the place for me. When I freak out, lose my shit, crack up, I need to run. I need space, and the LAST thing you have there is any sort of privacy.

Plus the food sucks.

More later.