Here We Go ...

I made a decision to start blogging again because I feel I owe it to myself. It's something I need to do as a creative outlet and I think it might get my mind moving. For several months, I've been stagnant. To be honest, I don't feel as if I have anything to write about, but I'm hoping that something will come to me as the days go on.

Over the past year I've tried several different drugs to get my life back to some semblance of normalcy. Could someone please define that for me? It's been so long that I really have no freakin' clue what that is. Unfortunately for me, none of the medications have really done that for me with the exception of one, and it's side effects were so stupid that I had to quit taking it. Boy that annoyed me. That one was Lexapro and I loved it. I spent every day on a moderate high and managed to get actual THINGS DONE. What a glorious way to live. Instead of spending every damned day curled up in the corner, I was WORKING. And it felt so wonderful. No tears! Ok, so I yapped incessantly and drove my husband to distraction: every cloud has a slightly silver lining. It was oh-so-much better than the alternative. But then the damned side effects set in: vicious muscle and joint pain, migraines, and constant nausea. But you know, I fought it all. I ate handful after handful of anti-inflammatory, anti-nauseant, and migraine medication, playing hope against hope that this was going to make some difference in what was happening to my body. Well, it didn't. 

I gave it my best shot, I did. I lasted longer than I should have, and argued pointlessly with my shrink. She wanted me off the med much sooner than I did, given that I was on a permanent high (who the hell doesn't want to be high?). Eventually I gave in, and waited for the inevitable crash, and now I'm living it. Of course, I'm trying something new (trileptal) along with all the other crap I was taking before, but don't have much hope. 

I never have much hope. That's the one thing that seems to be in really short supply. Lots and lots of pills ... not much hope.

My next post is going to be much better. I have new a new addition to my life and he makes things exciting! I'll talk about him instead.

Meggy