Sure, I Knew That.

Today, one of my nut-mates was sharing with the group some of the things that have drawn her to our program. I'm not entirely certain how to define my relationship with this woman. She's more than an acquaintance, but I don't know if we're friends. After all, if we were friends, wouldn't I have known what it was she was about to share?

Late last week, before I got to class, this woman, whom I call Mo, had a seizure. She was hauled away to the hospital in an ambulance, and very little information was shared, as hospital policy dictates. Hell, if I had a note on my forehead stating I wanted certain people to know, I still doubt they'd tell anyone. The less said, the better, you know. Anyway, so Mo was taken away, and we were left to wonder how she was getting along. While she was gone, I learned from another acquaintance that she also has lupus. Hm. Why don't I know this?

Today Mo came back. It turns out that she's going to be coming just three days a week, because she needs the extra rest. She's feeling better, just tired out.

During one of the "processing" classes, she brought a few things up, one of which left me dumb-founded. This lady was nearly killed by some lunatic many years ago. She still bears the scars both physically and emotionally of this incredibly vicious attack. 

How did I not know? How did she not share this ? I was stunned as this came out during our class, but managed to carry on anyway. I feel terrible for her, but was surprised it never came out sooner.

I wonder sometimes if this is just part and parcel of my narcissistic personality. Am I so involved with myself that things like this simply go on around me and I don't notice? Could it be happening everywhere and I'm too self-centered to see? That's a terribly frightening and sad thought for me. I like to think that I am on top of things, that I notice what's going down. Did this just slip through my radar? Or am I just so caught up in my own anger these days that no one's feelings but my own seem to matter? That, too is terribly sad.

For tomorrow, and the next few days, I'll make an effort to see what else is going on in the world around me. Whether I like it or not, the sun does not rise and set in my ass.